I’m tired of always being the “better person”…

From a dinosaurs perspective, we already live in a post-apocalyptic world

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?

Communist jokes aren’t funny

My last fuck just flew away!

Where’s my cheezburger?

Just a prank, bro!

Wisdom is the reward..

My reaction when I mistake raisins for chocolate chips

“Status quo” is a fancy latin phrase

There’s a mouse under my bed…

There comes a time…

All guinea pigs need companions!

Creativity is contagious

What makes you think this kid is mine?

Wisdom only comes to those who EARN it

If you dont read the book, you can pretend it says anything.

Music is like a dream. One that I cannot hear. Ludwig van Beethoven

Live every day like it’s your last

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

If you run out of cheeks to turn…

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…

Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

True love stories never have endings.

My friend is stuffed

Marathon watching is NOT exercise?

You should thank me

Kitten.exe has stopped unexpectedly

I’d Like to make the world a better place…

Sometimes in life we need just a hug

Let me love you

You can tell a lot about a person by the way that they hug you

How to celebrate Columbus Day

How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb ?

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

“You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret all the best people are.”

“I don’t think…” then you shouldn’t talk, said the Hatter.”

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane

If music be the food of love, play on.

A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose

If you see a friend without a smile

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.

Four legs good

It’s nom or never

C’est la vie

When I finally caught the red dot

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. Friedrich Nietzsche

Come live in my heart and pay no rent.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.

Any society based on domination supports and condones violence.

In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence. Cesar Chavez

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark

The secret of getting ahead

Propaganda is to a democracy what violence is to a dictatorship

I don’t even call it violence when it’s in self defense;

If you can’t explain it using simple words

If you’re going to kill someone in the name of religion

That coffee..

Coming home is one of the most beautiful things

Cat got your tongue?

If swearing is immature

Spank the devil out of you

Who smokes who?

If you have sex on an airplane

When you are home alone

Follow your heart

Fool me once

Butter me up

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the beach.

Not without my teddy

Stop peeing on the toilet seat

Postponing workouts is tiring

Keep calm and never say that you can’t

Forgiveness is for you only

When people say “plain vanilla”

Surprise acupuncture!

I’m mad because

You have a cat problem?

Beware of man, eating tiger

Aim for the moon

Get off my back, Belle!

Batcat answered your signal

I should feel guilty

If someone is so nice to lend you money

I can hear you’re upset

the most dangerous part of a car

I got uploaded to the internets

Humans know nothing about veggies

Those who laughs last think slowest

The way to peace

Give, but don’t allow them to use you

Would ye like to walk my plank?

But, why is the rum gone?

Can I plunder ye booty?

Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?

Have a splash of vitamin SEA!

More cheese!

If you are being chased by a prdator

Nature’s little kiss of goodness

Hunting sammiches

I didn’t do it!

I solved your problem with the endless windows updates on your computer

Everything you know about chemtrails..

Have your heard the joke

Five guys walk into a bar…

I can’t get the cork off

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough

Eeeeek!!! A Mouse!!!

You made me a sandwich

Heroes are not born…

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Cute crossroads demon

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most

Real life?

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

I don’t buy things with money…

You need to stop doing things for someone..

Six cases of pets who saved a human from life threatening depression
Life is no picnic with tuna snacks and cocktails. But sometimes life is really hard and you can feel like

Was that your idea?

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

You say freak, I say unique

Be the weird you want to see in this world

Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

The Orville or Star Trek Discovery?

September 8 is Star Trek Day!

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

Fake friends believe in rumors…

September 7 is Bring Your Manners to Work Day

You can’t always be nice

Books are for those who wish they were somewhere else

September 6 is Read a Book Day!

If I’m not allowed to talk to strangers…

To get the full value of joy…

September 5 is International Day of Charity

My ovaries…

People think I know a lot about computers

Happy 20th anniversary, Google!

Failure: When your best just isn’t good enough.

I always think I’m posting something that people will really like, then either no one likes it or sees it.

Happy Welsh Rarebit Day!

Eavesdropping is just a side effect…

I’m terrified of elevators!

Steal a little…

relying too much on gut feelings leads to ass pulls

You cant say you drank all day, unless you start in the morning

Happy Ginger Cat Appreciation Day!

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry

Where do cats go when they loose their tail?

Happy Eat Outside day!

Cats never strike a pose that isn’t photogenic.

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

Happy Beach Day!

Three fish are in a tank…

On which day do lions eat people?

Happy La Tomatina!

My parents said I couldn’t befriend a lion…

Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?

Be careful about reading health books

Today is Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day

Life is like tetris

Happy Just Because Day!

The difference between genius and stupidity

Happy Womens Equality Day!

What is a felines favorite day of the week?

Happy Banana Split Day!

Happy Strange Music Day!

A day without sunshine is like a night

Happy Internaut Day!

Writing is easy.

Happy Take Your Cat to the Vet Day!

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?

Happy Spumoni Day!

Monday….

Happy Mosquito Day!

If cats are so popular, then why is it bad to be a pussy?

Happy International Bow Day!

Cats are great cooks

August 18 is Homeless Animals Day!

Black cat appreciaton through time
Currently in the time we are writing this, Summer 2018, the widespread superstition in the Western popculture about black cats

Did you hear about the cat that thought he was a dog?

Happy Black Cat Appreciation Day!

Never feed your cat anything that doesn’t match the carpet.

Happy Xicolatada!

I got rid of my kids. The cat was allergic.

Happy Check the Chip Day!

Meow is like aloha

Happy World Lizard Day!

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?

Your salary is the bribe they give you to forget your dreams

Happy World Elephant Day!

Everything is a dick joke

Is that a garage sale?!

Happy Garage Sale Day!

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism

I’m off to the nuthouse!

Happy World Lion Day!!

Why was there a lion in the wardrobe?

To steal ideas from one is plagiarism. To steal from many is research

What do you call a cat that can’t stop licking itself?

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two

Happy Melon Day!

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else

Life is simple. Just add water.

August 8 is International Cat Day

August 7 is Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

Please turn your brain on…

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?

August 6 is Underwear Day

August 5 is Work Like a Dog Day

August 4 is Mead Day!

One person’s problem is another person’s profit

August 3 is International Beer Day ..and also… White Wine Day!

August 2 is Coloring Book Day!

August 1 is World Wide Web Day

Pets are better than kids…

Patience is a virtue

Did you hear about the human who refused to get their cat spayed?

July 31 is Uncommon Instrument Awareness Day

July 30 is Friendship Day!

July 29 is Tiger Day

July 28 is Milk Chocolate Day

What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

July 27 is Gary Gygax Day!

Nobody likes PETA

What is a cat’s favorite color?

They told you to be yourself…

You are curvy…

Before you insult someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes…

July 26 is Intern Appreciation Day

July 25 is Culinairians Day!

Nothing is fool-proof

I’m a catholic

There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

Why don’t cats like online shopping?

What do you call an unlucky cat?

July 24 is “Tell An Old Joke Day”

Take life with a grain of salt and a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

Partied too hard….

It’s on the inside

Happy Clean Your Room Day!

May the fourth be with you

Make your own rainbow

And I will always love….

I’m not ready for Monday..

On the interwebz nobody knows ur a rat

There is something on your face….

Call me a hamster at your own risk!

I love this story so much

I can has knobiburger?